You Deserve a “Me” Day: Why a Monthly Day to Yourself is Necessary
This year, when making my birthday goals, I decided to make mental health a top priority. Part of how I’m doing that is through taking a “me” day every month. In making this decision, I thought it would be interesting to do some research on the psychological benefits of taking a day to yourself, and I ended up down a rabbithole. Today, I am going to be sharing with you what I found and why you should follow my lead.
The World's Influence on How You Frame Self Reflection Norms
During school, college, and life in the professional world, there is a certain stigma around taking time off for anything other than serious illness or a pre planned trip. We are conditioned to believe that those who don’t take the time are stronger employees, thus going to be more successful. Because of this, we work ourselves too hard until we physically cannot anymore. A study done in 2021 found that 62% of Amercans fear that they will be judged by their management if they request time off for their mental wellbeing.
The Conditioning of Self Neglect Starts Younger than You Thought
This conditioning is done strategically, starting at a young age. There are lots of arguments I can make towards this, but the main point is this: how we view our lives and our “me” time has been dictated by society and corporate. You deserve for this to change.
To save time, I am going to only give one per age block: grade school, college life, and professional world.
Grade School
Remember the awards given out in elementary school at the end of the year? Now… do you remember the fact we were given awards for not missing any school? I was never the kid who won that type of thing, and every year it was reinforced that me getting sick / hurt / needing a day was a bad thing. The teachers would have us all clap and cheer for the kids who came to school even on days when they shouldn’t have.
College
Attendance was mandatory (at least at my university). Most classes allowed you to skip 3-4 times before you dropped an entire letter grade. It didn’t matter if you were sick more than that or that something happened that kept you from being there. These rules were preparing you for “the real world”.
Let’s dig deeper. I was in quite a few classes that would have weekly quizzes. You never knew which day of the week it would be, but you knew they were going to happen at some point. If you miss a quiz, for any reason at all, you got a zero. The morning my grandfather passed away I got a zero on a quiz for not showing up. Rules are rules. Thus, the conditioning continues. I was an emotional wreck that morning, but I needed to be in class.
Professional World
At my last company, I was on an international team. In fact, at one point, I was the only person on the team that lived in the US. Corporate policy at the time gave US employees MLK Day, Memorial Day, the 4th of July, two days for Thanksgiving, and three days for Christmas. Eight days – which, honestly, is more than lots of companies give.
I was at the office one day when I overheard a few of my coworkers all annoyed chatting in the hallway. The “holiday dates calendar” for the next year had just been released, and I am guessing they were looking at it. Their annoyance wasn’t directed at the fact we were getting our standard eight days. It was, instead, directed at our European colleagues because some countries were giving nearly 40 holiday days off work in addition to PTO.
While I was listening to them, I was agreeing with everything they were saying. It was unfair! Working so much more for the same department was exhausting. Picking up work because others had yet another holiday was aggravating. This is a moment that proves the conditioning had worked. Why are we mad that Europe is giving them that time, instead of demanding that our country does the same? Why do they get so many days to live their lives outside of the office setting, while we are stuck in meetings and staring at screens?
The Lack of Time for "Me": The Unfulfilling Cycle that Needs to Break
This toxic energy of constant “go go go” that is instilled in us at a young age sticks with us. Now, as adults, we sit at our desks or at home in front of our laptops and wonder why we aren’t being fulfilled. Is it my job? Do I need to change careers? Maybe if I worked out earlier I’d have more energy. All the thoughts spiral around in your head about how you can make your life better and more fulfilling. The worst part is, the reason you’re not being fulfilled is actually the exact opposite of what you are examining.
You’re not being fulfilled because you’re not doing what you need to take care of yourself. Meanwhile, the world around you is telling you it is because you’re not doing enough. So the cycle continues until you are under so much mental pressure that you either become paralyzed, have a meltdown, or have an identity crisis. Switching careers, moving cities, joining new at-work clubs are all temporary fixes when made in this type of mindset. What you need to change is your mindset. You are the priority. Corporate America just doesn’t want you to know that.
Why you Need to Take a Day for Yourself
Taking a day for yourself every month can give you the time you need to recharge. It can help you reset, change your attitude, and allow you to have a real, rested perspective on how to continue forward. If you do it correctly, it can be absolutely magical.
If you work in a corporation and have a limited number of days off per year, you may have to have your “day of the month” on a weekend day. Ideally, though, it would be monthly during a week. It is also ideal to have them approximately 30 days apart so you know that you just have to get through 30 more days to get to the next one.
What a "Me" Day is NOT
- A day to “get things done”: Laundry, running to the grocery store, taking the kids to soccer practice… those are not “me day” assignments. Those are day to day life assignments. You aren’t going to feel refreshed and ready to take on the next 30 days because you got an extra couple of loads through the dryer! That happiness will fade the moment someone spills all over themselves at the dinner table. You need to think bigger and more personal.
- A trip away: Travel fatigue is a real thing. Unless you live less than an hour from a beach and you want to walk it to reflect, this is not the time to be pulling out your suitcases
- A period where you can finally clean out your inbox and text everyone in your phone back: That is for your lunch hour – use it wisely
A day of doctor’s appointments: Therapy aside, do not use this day to get all of your routine health visits in. Again, lunch hour.
Ideas for you For your Day to Yourself
Sleep in: Your body needs to reset! Set an alarm for 9 or 10 and just rest and recharge. If you have children, see if you can get a sitter for your me day or if your partner can handle them. Even just this one opportunity for rest can improve your mind, sanity, and emotions.
Reflect: Whether this is through a walk, journaling, taking a long shower, or meditating, spend part of your day with your thoughts. Opening up your mental bank and causing it to not be overstuffed can lower your stress significantly. It’ll help you understand why you’ve been feeling the way you have and how you can fix it.
Work out: Fitness releases endorphins which make you happy and relaxed.
Do something about you: This could be a bath, yoga class, pedicure, massage, or facial. Spend some time doing something luxurious that is all about you and nobody else. While you’re doing said thing, make sure to enjoy it. You’re not running to the car to take care of someone else right after. Move slowly and leisurely
End your day quietly, alone or with your partner: Though your day is about you, your partner – particularly if you are married – should benefit some from this day as well. Order take out and watch a movie. Get in bed and cuddle. Catch up on life and fill him/her in on what you reflected on today. Releasing everything you discovered to someone you trust is always rewarding.
